DAY TWELVE

They took Easy today. His owners are back and they want their dog. The house seems too quiet. To think that just last night (at midnight), Easy was barking at a wind storm.

Morgan says that it's probably best that Easy is no longer with Seska since they had started working together.

6 Things we loved about Easy:
-The way that he would seek out the squeaker in a plush toy and squeak it over and over with his big nose.
-The way that he forced us to exercise, really exercise, every day. He needed to exercise and he made sure we knew it. It wasn't just, "Take me out before I pee on the floor."
-The way that he would get so excited while playing in the park that he would bite his leash.
-The way he would wait outside my bedroom door every morning and give me a heart attack when I opened the door and came face to face with this giant dog in the dim light.
-The way he would run up and wedge his head and shoulders between my legs so I was sort of riding him. Somehow that was comforting for him.
-The way he wanted to be present and listen to bedtime stories.

We love you Easy. Come back on your next vacation!

DAY ELEVEN

When I told Morgan that Marghi was coming to pick up Easy tomorrow, she said we should go to www.thankyoumarghi.com. I assume that means thank you for letting us borrow your dog and not thank you for taking him away.

She also made up a song, to the tune of "The Start of Something New" from High School Musical:
Oh, it's the start / Of something old
It feels so wrong / To be with that dog
It almost rhymes.

This isn't to say that Morgan is down on Easy, but the Bad Dog Incidents really have gone up.

Exhibit A: There was another peeing accident but I have reason to believe that Seska was behind it.

Exhibit B: I went to run an errand today and forgot something so immediately ran back into the house. I thought it was strange that Easy didn't greet me at the door. There he was near the kitchen, poised over a baggie of crackers that he had pulled down from the kitchen counter.

Exhibit C: On a walk along the waterfront, I turned around to tell Morgan, for the 400th time, to stop pretending to be a butterfly and keep up already. Easy took the opportunity to scramble down the stone embankment to try to jump in the Bay. Another 10 seconds and he would have been a salty sea dog.

Exhibit D! Morgan had made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and left the knives on the counter. Some dog (Easy) managed to pull them down and he and Seska were going over them, spreading peanut butter all over the floor. It is as if they are working together.

I know, we need to stop leaving edible stuff out on our kitchen counter.

Today we bought Easy 2 new minty tennis balls and a squeaky plush toy. He promptly destroyed the first tennis ball and had fun with the plush toy in the park. He immediately knew these were dog toys when we walked in with them.

Tussles: The dogs are thick as thieves, or as wolves. Easy did manage to chase the cat twice.

Treats after begging: He got a ravioli that fell on the floor and also some cheddar cheese.

Success using the dog door: It's still down! What chance does he have?

DAY TEN

Having 2 dogs currently, I try to be objective and fair. If something bad happens, I try not to assign blame to one without looking at all the evidence. Like today. I was out much of the day and the dog door was not up. Although they both went out this morning, it is not surprising that one of them might have an peeing accident in the house. In the middle of Seska's bed. Apparently twice.

Luckily it was her old bed, the electrically heated one.

Morgan found another way to get Easy to lick her: She pretends to be Easy's puppy. She says that Easy is the daddy dog and Seska is her mommy dog, if you can imagine that one. She curls up to Easy making whimpering sounds and generally hangs all over him. I finally told her to leave the poor dog alone but he was very good with her, just licking her a lot.

Easy definitely knows the word "Walk". I like how he runs over and bites the leash when he hears the word.

Tussles: Seska is pretty smart now and plays hard to get with Easy. Easy now follows her around, confused. He's such a guy.

Treats after begging: Taco meat. I still don't know how it happened. I think he hypnotized me.

Success using the dog door: Who needs a dog door when you've got Seska's bed right there?

DAY NINE

Morgan and I played a game called "What Can We Get Easy to Wear While He Begs for Ice Cream?" The feather boa was easy (no pun intended). He was surprisingly resistant to the tiara, the devil horns and the angel halo. He's just glamorous.

After a good run at the park, we started throwing sticks and Easy went into puppy hyperdrive. This is on the long, retractable leash that we use for Seska. He started running in wide, wild circles and Morgan almost got caught in the vortex.

On the way back from the park, Morgan came up with last names for Easy:
Easy Albert
Easy Carmine
Easy OutRun (She thinks she can outrun him. She cannot but he does come up against the limit of the retractable leash.)

Then she came up with other names like Seska ChongChong and Blankie CryBaby, about a random blanket on her bed. She went to bed tonight chanting "Easy Carmine and Blankie CryBaby". I don't know where she is getting these gangster names.

Easy is jumpy tonight. There is plastic sheeting on all the windows of our house because the painters were here today. It constantly sounds like someone is breaking in. Easy keeps barking wildly and then looking embarrassed. He is committed to protecting this house now.

Tussles: None with pets but he may kill the painters.

Treats from begging: None, not even ice cream. He is still in trouble over the chocolate incident.

Success using the dog door: He is barking to come in.

DAY EIGHT

Today I entered the house to find candy containers strewn around. Seska was hovered over a nearly empty -- and ripped up -- See's candy box. Another empty candy box was in the living room. I pieced together that someone had opened the pantry door and helped themselves to a basket of candy, including 2 partial boxes of chocolate.

This was very unlike Seska, so we did a sniff test. Seska's snout smelled like...dog breath. Easy's snout smelled like...dog breath and chocolate!

It's a serious problem for a dog to eat chocolate so I immediately called the vet. I had to try to describe Easy and how many bon-bons were missing and whether they were dark or light chocolate. I think he ate 3 bon-bons. After consulting with the vet, they came back and told me that he should be fine due to his enormous size but expect him to be bouncing off the walls for the day.

We are keeping an eye on him in case he has any reaction. The main reaction I've seen is that he has gotten more assertive about begging. He actually barked at me while I was fixing some food (for myself) today. I think he is fed up with the treat scarcity. He is also eyeing the pantry again and Wes is concerned about the refrigerator. There is chocolate syrup in there.

Tonight's bedtime book was about ballet dancing. Easy rolled on his back wildly, making howling noises. Then he fell asleep.

Tussles: The uneasy peace continues. Seska thinks Easy is great. Easy thinks Seska needs to back up.

Treats after begging: Some chicken chunks in the morning and self-service dessert at noon.

Success using the dog door: N/A -- we had to take the dog door down today but it will be back up soon.

DAY SEVEN

People who haven't seen him may not appreciate how large Easy is. The picture shows him on a couch that fits at least 3 adults. Stem to stern, he is about 3'6" from the base of his tail to the tip of his nose. His height is 2'6", approximately. He was afraid of the tape measure and wouldn't hold still.

Today we were walking and some sprinklers came on, blocking our path. I figured that Easy's paws were already muddy, so we would run through the sprinklers. He ran up to the edge of the spray and then veered wildly. I kept running with my forward momentum, so I got wet and he didn't. I don't think he is devious, just not very considerate.

Easy seems to have totally adjusted to our family by now. He thinks he is our dog. That is how long it takes for a dog to switch allegiance. Seven days.

Marghi said something about her brother-in-law Kian taking Easy for the second week. We're not sure how that is going to work. We are certainly not going to call him. If he calls here, we may deny having Easy, or any dog, really. In fact, Kian must have the wrong number.

Tonight at bedtime story time, Easy seemed disturbed by the book. It involved a bear that gets chased away by a vampire.

Tussles: Friendlier and friendlier. I'm hoping the dogs will start playing together. The cat is still quarantined.

Treats after begging: Only any popcorn that fell on the floor.

Success using the dog door: What's a dog door?

DAY SIX

Today Easy got to meet some other dogs in the neighborhood.

Easy has a way of getting underfoot in the kitchen. We were imagining a new Top Chef challenge of cooking with 2 dogs in the kitchen, both trying to bump you so you will drop treats.

Even though Easy hasn't been getting the big handouts that he got earlier in this vacation, he has been burping a lot. Possibly he has indigestion from some of the toys. He has been tearing the innards from several dog toys and hopefully not eating them. Possibly he has been finding edible tidbits on the floor. The cleaners came today, so those happy days are over -- at least until Morgan's next meal.

Easy got brushed today. Somehow that ended up in me covered in dog hair.

Toys destroyed: 2 including the blue tennis ball (3 counting the cat toy)

Tussles: He still tenses up when Seska sniffs but no fighting. Seska waits for him to eat first, chew up her toys first, etc. He is clearly alpha.

Treats after begging: Cheddar cheese and whatever he managed to scrounge.

Success using the dog door: Nope.

DAY FIVE

When I got home from work today, Easy bowled me over and even howled a little. I can only imagine how he will act when Marghi gets back.

This evening Easy picked up a catnip mouse - a cat toy - actually, a choking hazard for a dog his size. He picked it up in his giant mouth and carefully carried it to the dog bed. We wondered why he didn't have any toys and set out to find some. I risked my life by entering the garage and finally found a stash of dog toys. We don't have them out because Seska never plays with toys anymore.

I pulled out the best ones but he was very interested in something else in the basket. At first it seemed like he was going after the cat toys, showing a freakish preference for catnip. Then we figured out that there was a "hoof". We decided against giving him the hoof, not wanting Seska to get too agitated. She does like those nasty hooves.

Easy happily rotated between 3 toys. His favorite was a blue tennis ball that is supposed to improve a dog's breath. To be fair, we gave Seska one of her old toys: the carcass of a favorite gutted toy hedgehog. She wasn't impressed.

While I was in the garage, Easy shredded the catnip mouse.

Easy has a ritual now of attending the reading of the bedtime story. It was sad tonight because he was locked out of the room to protect Salem's nerves.

Today Morgan says that Easy looks pretty with his hair down.

Tussles: Seska was able to walk up to him several times, wagging ferociously, without any incident. Easy may be learning to get along. Salem the Cat is now living upstairs in a closed-off room. He seems much happier without any Easy encounters.

Success using the dog door: None, but he's not even trying.

Treats after begging: None? Maybe Wes snuck her something. Easy's mooching is stronger than ever.

DAY FOUR

Morgan decided that today Easy would be named Arrrriba! That's with a rolling R and very high pitched and loud. She insisted that everyone should call him that. We did not.

Easy was involved in our first Wii Fit session.

Today, for the first time, hamster-sized balls of orange fur appeared throughout the house. I guess he was holding his fur in until now. We were just talking about tribbles yesterday.

Easy is so tall, he leans over slightly and ends up on the couch in the living room. It is his bed now. He looks very majestic there.

We continue to marvel at what a normal pet Easy is compared to our mutant creatures. I mean, when you say his name while walking him, he actually stops sniffing the bushes and rushes to attention instead of just pulling harder the other direction. We are torn between admiration (for Easy), shame (of our own pets), and loss of respect (for Easy).

Tussles: Seska was especially doddering today and kept getting in his face to smell his breath but so far we have stopped Easy from killing her. Salem the cat now lives in the garage. He is losing weight. So, no actual fights today, but if looks could kill....

Success using the dog door: None, but he is clever about tricking people into opening the patio door for him and then dashing out.

Treats after begging: None! You're cut off! I did catch him licking the dining table after we left it tonight.

DAY THREE

We all went to Waterworld today!

Wes keeps singing "Easy Like Sunday Morning" to me just to piss me off.

Wes is also becoming power-mad due to the novelty of having a dog around that actually feels shame when you chastise it. Not that he chastises him much but I did catch him ordering Easy into the other room for no good reason. Seska feels no remorse, ever, and rarely does what she is told. She is deaf now, which only works to her advantage.

Today Easy followed Seska through the backyard, immediately peeing on whatever spot Seska just peed on.

Morgan and I saw a show about a super-intelligent sea lion who knows sign language. Since then, we have been trying to train Easy in the sign for "open your mouth and turn your head".

Sea lion sign language (SLSL) signs learned: None

Tussles: Bared fangs at Seska (no actual fight due to human intervention). Wanted to chase the cat but he is (possibly) learning that Chasing The Cat Is Not Okay.

Treats resulting from begging: Many chunks of sausage and hot dog. We're going to reduce the treats tomorrow due to a bad tummy.

Success using the dog door: None without help

DAY TWO

Last night we invited Easy onto the bed. It's a king size bed, mainly to accommodate pets and children. Easy flopped against my leg, immediately forcing me off the side. Luckily he decided to move on and I was able to get some sleep.

We're beginning to understand the name. As in, "Easy boy, don't bite the dog" or "Take it Easy -- don't bolt after a duck during our walk."

Today I see some afghan in him. Morgan says that he looks like a lion and also a poodle.

It is super hot today. Oh my god, it's hot. Easy followed me outside into the shade and started drinking from the fountain. I told him to stop so he moved to the other end of the fountain and started again.

Easy is showing a lot of interest in the upstairs bathroom. Either he is potty trained in how to use a toilet or he wants to drink from it. We are not opening the lid to find out.

He really does have a bowl of water to drink. He hasn't eaten a lot of dog food but enough so that Morgan swears his fur smells like fish.

The pets are all getting more comfortable together. Salem is starting to get sassy, which means we need to let Easy chase him again. Seska is getting way too friendly for her own good.

Morgan and Wes learned that they can make Easy kiss them by panting in his face.

Wes is using Easy as an example of what a normal/pleasant dog would be like, to get me to want another dog after Seska passes on. It's not very flattering for Seska.

Tussles: None that we witnessed but we did preventative intervention between him and the cat, plus we put up a cat-safety-zone barricade. I notice that Seska, who is much smaller than Easy, just busted through the barricade.

Success using the dog door: Semi. He could do it if we propel him through it, torpedo style. Then he got stuck on the other side, wagging pathetically for someone to come let him in.

Rewards for begging: 2 hot dog chunks; several chicken chunks (funny story about this one: I threw a chicken chunk to him to catch in his mouth. Instead it landed on his back and he spun around and around looking for it until we took pity and got it off his back. After watching Seska expertly catch chicken chunks, he managed to catch one.)

DAY ONE

Easy the Dog joined us on Thursday night.

Easy looked longingly out the window, expecting Marghi to show up again. Then he went to sleep after we finished eating and he finished begging.

We have decided he is part golden retriever and part wookie and he has a collie-face.

A gang of cheerleaders were singing "What's My Name Again?" in the park across the street after dark and we considered sicking Easy on them.

Tussles:
(1x) Easy v. Seska (Easy won); We didn't see the whole thing, but afterwards Easy had a tuft of black fur on his mouth and a guilty look.
(2x) Easy v. Salem (cat chases only, Easy won)

Rewards for begging:
Turkey jerky

Success using the dog door: None